Going Against The Grain

Continuing the exercise I have set myself to re-read and blog my results from reading Creating A Bug Free Mind and Using A Bug Free Mind by Andy Shaw.

Well, it’s been another interesting week with more changes happening, some obvious, some not so obvious. My role in work recently changed and I am now doing a lot more travelling around visiting clients and discussing how the company can help them achieve their goals. This is a long way from sitting at a desk all day every day and taking occasional phone calls for support. I was not looking forward to this change as it was taking me out of my comfort zone. I never associated it with reading Andy’s books until this week. I now realize that inner change has begun and is being manifested externally although I didn’t realize it at the time. This inner change has caused others to look at me differently and treat me differently. But more importantly it has caused me to look at me differently. I found myself enjoying the client interaction process and accepted that I was actually good at it. I may make some mistakes on the way but that’s ok. I am no longer threatened by being wrong. This is in stark contrast to how I used to react if someone pointed out that I had made a mistake or that I was wrong – my blood used to boil, I would feel the heat rising to my head and would want to punch them in the face! Hard! I have to try and remember that when I ended up in arguments after these type of episodes that I was actually unconscious of what I was doing.

There is also the sense that I am no longer seeking approval – I know now that through the law of attraction (creation) this will only bring me more approval seeking. I think once I saw the truth of this it just fell away and it doesn’t bother me anymore.

ego

I am still fascinated by the idea of ego. This week I learned that my ego tries to defend me even when I’m wrong. I think that all the reading and reflection I’ve been doing for the last few weeks goes against what my ego wants. I found myself some evenings thinking “…oh I’m too tired to do any reading, think I’ll just watch TV…” I read this week that my ego doesn’t want me to pause and reflect and look at myself, it wants me to feel guilty. Its greatest fear is that I will figure out that I don’t need it and it will be exposed as the aspect of me that is doing the self-sabotage and is the cause of the destructive thoughts and patterns.

I have learned that self-acceptance and self love are the best defense against the ego. I am learning to accept that in a spiritual sense I am perfect – I still cringe a little saying that – however unless I can love myself I cannot learn to love others. This is not the first time I have heard this but it’s the first time I think I’ve understood it. The best line this week?

“Your results in life will be in direct proportion to your ability to accept the truth about yourself.”

I have discovered the amazing value of blogging. It is a form of self therapy. The fact that I know others are reading it means I proof read what I’ve just written for typos etc. before publishing it and I have found that to be of immense value in making the lessons I’ve learned even more impressed into my mind. Which, of course is the whole point.

Until Next Time
All Things Considered
Gerry

2 Responses to Going Against The Grain

  • Gerry says:

    Thanks Trish, I like the quote although accepting that particular truth about myself will take me a bit longer I think. Certainly lots to think about.

  • patricia langton says:

    Great Blog Ger, such wisdom contained therein. I have done a lot of study on the Ego from an Esoteric Spirituality perspective and I remember a great quote from one of the spiritual teachers which basically states that “God equals man minus Ego”. Food for thought eh? As if there is not enough 🙂

    Love

    Trish

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *